Why Are People Cruel to Each Other?

 

“Why are people cruel to each other?”

It is one of the oldest questions human beings can ask.

Why does one person humiliate another?

Why do people lie, betray, exploit, bully, oppress, or dehumanize one another?

Why does power so often become domination?

Why can human beings look at another person's pain and sometimes respond not with compassion, but with cruelty?

Every major spiritual and philosophical tradition has wrestled with this question.

Judaism, Stoicism, Hinduism, and Christianity do not give exactly the same answer. But each teaches us something important about human nature, anger, desire, ego, responsibility, and the possibility of becoming better people.

THE HUMAN BEING HAS A CAPACITY FOR GOOD AND EVIL

Judaism begins with a realistic understanding of human nature.

Human beings are created “in the image of God.”

That means every person possesses inherent dignity.

But Judaism also recognizes that human beings have competing impulses.

Jewish tradition speaks of the yetzer ha-tov, the inclination toward good, and the yetzer ha-ra, the inclination toward evil or destructive desire.

This does not mean that people are simply divided into “good people” and “bad people.”

It means there are competing possibilities within us.

Every day, we make choices about which inclination we will follow.

This helps explain something uncomfortable:

A person can be capable of tremendous kindness and tremendous cruelty.

The biblical story of Cain and Abel illustrates this dramatically.

Cain becomes angry and jealous toward his brother Abel.

God warns him that destructive desire is waiting at the door, but Cain must master it.

Cain fails.

He kills his brother.

And immediately we encounter one of the Bible's deepest questions:

“Where is your brother?”

That question echoes throughout Jewish ethics.

Where is your brother?

Where is your neighbor?

What have you done to another human being?

Cruelty becomes possible when we stop seeing another person as a person.

When Abel becomes merely an obstacle to Cain's desires, violence becomes possible.

This is why Jewish ethics places such importance on justice, compassion, charity, hospitality, and the command to love one's neighbor.

The antidote to cruelty is not merely feeling guilty.

It is learning to recognize the dignity of the other person.

CRUELTY COMES FROM FALSE JUDGMENTS

The Stoics approach the problem from another direction.

Thinkers such as Epictetus, Seneca, and Marcus Aurelius argued that destructive behavior often begins with mistaken judgments.

Someone insults us.

We think:

“They have humiliated me.”

Someone disagrees with us.

We think:

“They are disrespecting me.”

Someone gets what we wanted.

We think:

“They have taken something that belongs to me.”

Then anger takes over.

The Stoics would say that the event itself is one thing.

Our interpretation of the event is another.

This does not mean that insults, injustice, or abuse are imaginary.

It means that our response is shaped by the judgments we make about what has happened.

Seneca wrote extensively about anger and regarded uncontrolled anger as profoundly destructive.

Why?

Because anger can persuade us that hurting another person will somehow restore our dignity.

But cruelty rarely solves the original problem.

Instead, it creates another one.

The Stoic asks us to pause.

What is actually within my control?

I cannot control another person's words.

I cannot control their personality.

I cannot control whether they treat me fairly.

But I can work on my own response.

I can refuse to become the kind of person who allows another person's bad behavior to determine my character.

This leads to one of Stoicism's most powerful ideas:

Someone else's cruelty does not require you to become cruel.

CRUELTY GROWS FROM DESIRE, EGO, AND IGNORANCE

Hindu philosophy often examines cruelty through the concepts of kama (desire), krodha (anger), lobha (greed), and ahamkara (ego).

The Bhagavad Gita gives a famous account of how destructive behavior develops.

A person becomes attached to something.

Attachment produces desire.

When desire is frustrated, anger arises.

Anger can cloud judgment.

And when judgment becomes distorted, a person can act destructively.

Think about how often cruelty begins this way.

“I want something.”

“I didn't get it.”

“You have what I wanted.”

“You are standing in my way.”

And suddenly another human being becomes an enemy.

The problem is no longer simply the thing we desire.

The problem becomes our attachment to getting it.

Hindu thought also speaks about avidya, ignorance or spiritual misunderstanding.

At the deepest level, a person who sees themselves as completely separate from everyone else may become increasingly concerned with:

Me.

My status.

My possessions.

My pleasure.

My victory.

My enemies.

But spiritual wisdom moves toward a deeper recognition of interconnectedness.

If I understand that other life is not simply an object for my use, cruelty becomes harder to justify.

This is one reason ahimsa, nonviolence, becomes such an important principle in Hindu traditions.

The goal is not simply to avoid physical violence.

It is to cultivate a way of being that does not unnecessarily harm other beings.

CRUELTY COMES FROM THE HEART

Christianity takes the question even deeper.

Jesus teaches that evil actions are not merely external problems.

They originate within the human heart.

A person may never commit murder, yet hatred can already be destroying a relationship.

A person may never strike someone, yet their contempt can wound deeply.

A person may never steal money, yet they can steal another person's dignity through humiliation.

Christianity therefore asks us to examine what is happening inside us.

What do we do with resentment?

What do we do with envy?

What do we do with anger?

What do we do when we have power over someone weaker than ourselves?

And Christianity makes an extraordinary demand:

Love your enemies.

Not merely tolerate them.

Not merely avoid killing them.

Love them.

Pray for them.

Do good to them.

This is one of Christianity's most radical teachings because it breaks the cycle of retaliation.

The natural human response is:

“You hurt me, so I will hurt you.”

Then:

“You hurt me because I hurt you.”

And the cycle continues.

Jesus interrupts that cycle.

He says, in effect:

Someone has to stop the chain.

And Christianity says that person can be you.

THE CROSS: GOD ENTERS THE CYCLE OF HUMAN CRUELTY

Christianity's answer becomes especially powerful when we look at the crucifixion.

Jesus is betrayed.

Mocked.

Beaten.

Humiliated.

And crucified.

Yet from the cross comes a prayer for forgiveness.

Whatever one believes about Christianity, the moral image is extraordinary:

The victim refuses to become the perpetrator.

The people committing cruelty do not get to determine the character of the one being persecuted.

This is central to the Christian understanding of forgiveness.

Forgiveness does not mean saying that cruelty was acceptable.

It does not mean ignoring justice.

It does not mean remaining in an abusive situation.

It means refusing to allow another person's evil to reproduce itself inside you.

Hatred says:

“You hurt me, therefore I will become like you.”

Forgiveness says:

“You hurt me, but I will not allow your actions to determine who I become.”

WHY DO WE BECOME CRUEL?

If we bring the four traditions together, several common causes emerge.

1. Ego

We become obsessed with protecting our image.

Someone embarrasses us, and we want revenge.

Someone challenges our status, and we want to crush them.

2. Fear

Sometimes cruelty is defensive.

People attack what they fear.

They attack people who are different.

They attack people they believe threaten their identity, security, or power.

3. Desire

We want something.

Money.

Sex.

Power.

Recognition.

Status.

Control.

When desire becomes more important than another person's dignity, cruelty becomes easier.

4. Anger

Anger can begin with legitimate injustice but become destructive when it takes control.

The problem is not always that we become angry.

The problem is when anger becomes our master.

5. Dehumanization

This may be one of the most dangerous causes of cruelty.

Cruelty becomes easier when we stop seeing another person as a human being.

We begin calling them:

the enemy.

the outsider.

the stupid one.

the worthless one.

the criminal.

the other.

Once a person becomes an abstraction, empathy becomes easier to turn off.

6. Lack of self-examination

Perhaps the most frightening possibility is that we can condemn cruelty in others while failing to recognize it in ourselves.

We see the bully.

But do we see our own contempt?

We see the tyrant.

But do we see our own desire for control?

We see hatred in other people.

But do we notice the hatred we nurture privately?

The spiritual life begins when we become willing to examine ourselves.

THE MOST DANGEROUS SENTENCE: “THEY DESERVE IT”

Cruelty often begins with a sentence:

“They deserve it.”

Once we convince ourselves that someone deserves humiliation, suffering, or destruction, almost anything becomes possible.

That is why the command to love one's neighbor is so powerful.

It puts a boundary around our anger.

It says:

Even when someone has done wrong,

they remain human.

Justice may be necessary.

Consequences may be necessary.

Protection may be necessary.

But cruelty is not the same thing as justice.

Justice asks:

“What is right?”

Cruelty asks:

“How much pain can I inflict?”

Those are very different questions.

WHAT SHOULD WE DO WHEN SOMEONE IS CRUEL TO US?

This is where philosophy becomes practical.

Judaism says:

Do not abandon justice.

Do not allow evil to become your own way of life.

Remember the dignity of the human person.

Stoicism says:

Pause before reacting.

Distinguish what is within your control.

Do not surrender your character to another person's behavior.

Hinduism says:

Examine desire, anger, ego, and attachment.

Cultivate nonviolence and spiritual awareness.

Christianity says:

Love your enemies.

Forgive.

Pray for those who hurt you.

Break the cycle of retaliation.

These teachings do not mean that we should passively accept abuse.

Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is establish a boundary.

Sometimes justice requires confronting wrongdoing.

Sometimes protecting the innocent requires removing someone from a position of power.

Forgiveness is not the absence of justice.

Forgiveness is the refusal to let hatred become the organizing principle of your life.

THE GREAT TEST OF CHARACTER

It is easy to be kind when everyone is kind to us.

The real test comes when someone is cruel.

When someone insults you.

When someone lies about you.

When someone betrays you.

When someone treats you unfairly.

Then comes the question:

Who will I become?

Will their cruelty reproduce itself through me?

Or will I interrupt the cycle?

This is where all four traditions challenge us.

Judaism asks us to remember our responsibility toward our fellow human being.

Stoicism asks us to govern ourselves.

Hinduism asks us to overcome destructive desire and ego.

Christianity asks us to love even those who hurt us.

Different languages.

Different metaphysical frameworks.

But a strikingly similar challenge:

Master yourself. Do not become what you oppose.

THE PERSON WHO HURTS OTHERS IS ALSO IN NEED OF TRANSFORMATION

There is another important lesson.

We should never excuse cruelty.

But understanding cruelty can help us respond to it more wisely.

A cruel person may be driven by fear.

Or insecurity.

Or wounded pride.

Or envy.

Or greed.

Or hatred.

Or a desperate need for control.

Understanding this does not excuse their behavior.

But it reminds us that cruelty often comes from a disordered inner life.

The cruel person is not necessarily strong.

Sometimes cruelty is weakness wearing the costume of strength.

A person who must humiliate everyone around them may actually be terrified of being insignificant.

A person who constantly dominates others may be terrified of losing control.

A person who hates everyone different from them may be trapped inside fear.

True strength is different.

True strength does not need to humiliate.

THE FOUR TRADITIONS AGREE ON ONE IMPORTANT THING

If we put the teachings side by side, we discover something remarkable.

Judaism says:

Choose good over the destructive inclination.

Stoicism says:

Choose virtue over uncontrolled passion.

Hinduism says:

Rise above ego, attachment, anger, and ignorance.

Christianity says:

Transform hatred through love.

All four are ultimately concerned with the formation of character.

They are asking:

What happens inside a human being?

What do repeated choices make us become?

Because cruelty is rarely created in one moment.

It is cultivated.

And compassion is cultivated too.

Every time we respond to anger with restraint, we strengthen restraint.

Every time we choose generosity over greed, generosity becomes easier.

Every time we refuse to humiliate someone, we strengthen dignity.

Every time we forgive instead of seeking revenge, we weaken the cycle of hatred.

Character is built one decision at a time.

DO NOT PASS THE CRUELTY FORWARD

Perhaps the most important question is not:

“Why are people cruel?”

We know some of the answers.

Fear.

Anger.

Ego.

Desire.

Greed.

Ignorance.

Insecurity.

Hatred.

The deeper question is:

“What will I do with the cruelty I encounter?”

Someone hurts you.

Will you pass it on?

Someone humiliates you.

Will you humiliate someone else?

Someone treats you with hatred.

Will you allow hatred to take root inside you?

Or will the chain end with you?

Judaism reminds us:

Your brother and sister are your responsibility.

Stoicism reminds us:

Your character is in your hands.

Hinduism reminds us:

Master desire, anger, and ego; cultivate nonviolence.

Christianity reminds us:

Love your enemies and overcome evil with good.

And perhaps the common message is this:

You cannot always control the cruelty you encounter, but you can decide whether you will reproduce it.

The world does not need more people who are simply good when life is easy.

It needs people who can remain humane when they have been hurt.

People who can pursue justice without hatred.

People who can establish boundaries without becoming cruel.

People who can forgive without pretending evil never happened.

People who can have power without abusing it.

People who can disagree without dehumanizing.

People who can be wounded without becoming weapons.

So when cruelty comes to you, remember:

You have a choice.

You can pass the wound forward.

Or you can stop the chain.

You can become bitter.

Or you can become wiser.

You can return hatred.

Or you can choose love.